A Fishnet Shirt, And Lots And Lots Of Beer
by Satori
Summary: Sirius drags Remus on a little adventure.


Author's Note: Wow. It's finally done. Woohoo. So long...I'm so proud of myself for finally finishing this, and finally updating this account.  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the characters, I just take them and twist them around my little finger for all'y'all's enjoyment. And you know you like it.

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Remus put his book down resignedly as Sirius shuffled up to him, peering at him through his lashes.

"Heeeey Rem."

Remus sighed and decided to play along. "Heeeey Sirius."

"Doing anything this weekend?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course not. I'm me, remember? I never do anything un—oh no. You are _not_ taking me _anywhere_..." He finished on a slightly less certain note than he'd hoped after seeing the evil gleam in Sirius's eyes.

"That's what you think." The black-haired Gryffindor seated himself with much dogged enthusiasm and fixed the other boy with a grin.

"Oh no." Remus stood up quickly. "I just remembered, I have a...research paper due on Monday. Can't go anywhere this weekend. So sorry." So saying, he scampered away.

Or tried to. At the last second, Sirius's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, hauling him backwards until the backs of his knees hit chair and he toppled over, landing in Sirius's lap.

"You planned that."

Sirius grinned. "Maaybe...what're you going to do about it?"

The smile disappeared from Remus's face and Sirius suddenly looked frightened for his life. "Gah, Rem! I'm sorry! Don't hurt meeeee!"

Remus cackled and attacked, tickling Sirius's ribs for all his fingers were worth. Sirius squirmed, giggling maniacally and scrabbling at Remus's hands frantically.

"S-stop, Rem. I'm sorry, I s-swear. I-I'll n-never let you sit in m-my lap again, I p-promise!"

Remus smirked. "Not good enough. Tell me where you wanted to take me."

"C-can't! S-secret—" Was all the snorting boy could manage between gasps of air.

"My my, aren't we stubborn." Remus relented and sat back, surveying his work with satisfaction. "I suppose I'll just have to go then."

Sirius growled. "That was unfair." Without warning, he tackled Remus, pinning him down. "You're going to come with me regardless—ah ah ah..." He grabbed the blond's hands before they reached his own stomach and pinned them above the boy's head.

"You know, if anyone came in here right now, we would never live it down."

"Ah, they're Gryffindors. Let them face it with that legendary courage of ours. Speaking of which...show some bravery, man. You're coming with me and you're going to whatever I say beforehand. Understand? Or else I'll never let you up."

"Oh alright. But no...inappropriate things that would make McGoogles's eyes pop out."

Sirius gasped in mock offense. "Whatever do you mean my dearest friend?"

Remus couldn't help but roll his eyes. "You know, the things you tried to make me wear last Halloween. Handcuffs and such."

"Oh darn. I'll just have to dig up that leash then."

"Sirius!"

"Only joking! Calm down."

"Fine then. No handcuffs or leashes and I'll go tomorrow night. Alright?"

"Perfect." Sirius dipped his head down and kissed Remus lightly before getting up. "Come on then, to bed with you."

Remus picked up his book and followed the other boy up the stairs and to their separate beds.

The following afternoon, Sirius cornered Remus before he could start his homework and dragged him up the stairs to stand before the trunk at the foot of James's bed.

"This, my fellow Gryffindor, is the most wonderful trunk in the history of all trunks. And it's quite a long one at that."

"What, a long trunk?"

"No, a long history! Come on Rem, stay with me here."

"I'm trying but you keep rambling." Remus muttered but waited as Sirius opened the trunk ceremoniously. Inside were piles and piles of clothes, unlike Remus's own plain jumpers and pants. Somewhere near the bottom of the disorganized clump was a pink feathered boa. Remus didn't want to think about that particular article of clothing and instead turned his attention to the others.

"You are going to wear this." Sirius pulled out a pair of impossibly small leather pants.

Remus goggled. "No. Bloody. Way."

Sirius pouted. "Please??"

"I probably wouldn't fit in them anyways! They're tiny!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And so's your waist. Come on, you're skinner than all of us cut in half and...cut in half again. Or something. The point is, you'll fit. Aaand this shirt." Sirius pulled out a shirt covered in holes.

"You call that a shirt??"

Sirius looked offended. "Of course I do! It's the most glorious thing invented by Muggles. Fishnet!"

"Aren't you supposed to use it to catch fish?"

"Oh just go put them on. And wear this belt." A studded leather belt followed the other items already piled in Remus's arms. "And these shoes." Black combat boots. "Now go!"

Remus sighed and trudged the five steps to his bed and plonked the clothing on his bed. The last thing he saw before pulling his shirt over his head was Sirius pulling out something green and sequined before tossing it back into the pile. Remus breathed easier.

Although the fight with the leather trousers was a short one, it was full of falling over and sucking in nonexistent stomachs and demanding assistance while the supposed assister laughed his stupid arse off. But finally, the pants were on and Remus could walk around with relative ease. The fishnet shirt was an equally difficult battle, this one involving fingers in all the wrong places and noses caught in holes and general chaos and confusion. Eventually, the shirt was on too, in the right direction with everything in place. After that, the belt and combat boots were simple.

Finally, Remus stood up and looked around. Their half of the room was in chaos, but he was dressed and it was an achievement.

"What're you going to wear Sirius? It had better be something as crazy as—" He couldn't finish. His mouth didn't work.

Sirius was sitting on his bed, wearing looser leather pants than Remus's, but still impossibly tight. That was about it. Shoes of course, and a leather collar, but no shirt.

"Agck."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I suppose I could say the same thing about you."

"...Agck!"

With a grace he very rarely used, but that gave away his aristocratic upbringing, the shirtless boy rose to his feet and swaggered over to a dumbstruck Remus, placing his hands on his hips. "I'll take that as a compliment, shall I?"

Remus opened his mouth to answer with another extremely intelligent "ack" but suddenly found himself otherwise occupied. On the whole, this activity was much more satisfying than the former.

Rather reluctantly, Sirius pulled away and glanced at the watch on his wrist. "Will you look at the time? While you were struggling into your gorgeous leather pants, we missed our ride. Hm. And I haven't brushed your hair yet either."

"What are you talking about? My hair is perfectly brushed. Impeccably, I daresay."

Sirius winked. "Precisely." So saying, he grabbed Remus by the hand and pulled him to sit on his bed. Whipping out a hairbrush from behind his back, he proceeded to singularly ruin Remus's wonderfully neat hair. When Sirius let him near the mirror, he was amazed to see that he looked completely different. A little like Sirius, only shorter and slighter. Sirius merely shook his head a few times and his hair fell into place, brushing his eyes and the back of his neck like he'd just woken up. Remus envied Sirius his confidence sometimes, but now it was going to come in handy, since the werewolf had no idea what he was doing, and apparently Sirius did.

They left Gryffindor Tower under James's Invisibility Cloak and practically ran to the Entrance Hall. The two boys eased the huge double doors open as quietly as they could and set off across Hogwarts. They reached Hogsmeade in about fifteen minutes, panting slightly, breath clouding up as they stood on the road, waiting for someone to pass. Tonight was a Friday, and therefore unusually busy for Hogsmeade, with witches and wizards Apparating in and out as well as some drivers.

Sirius let several cars whiz by them, watching for a likely driver. Finally, he stuck his thumb out and the truck slowed down and pulled onto their side of the road. The witch in the drivers seat blinked at them for a moment, then her eyes lit on Remus and she opened the door. The two Gryffindors slid in, Remus somehow ending closes to the driver, who then sped up after asking where they were going.

Sirius glanced at the witch, wishing she would pay as much attention to the road as she did to ogling Remus. His foot tapped impatiently as he tried to ignore her staring at _his_ Remus. Finally, the driver dropped the two boys off in the middle of Muggle London. Luckily, Sirius knew enough about the city to tell her the general direction in which they were headed, but as he'd had no particular place in mind, they were stuck surrounded by similarly dressed strangers flowing in and out of night clubs.

"You have got to be kidding me, Sirius."

Sirius laughed and heads turned to follow the two boys, lingering on the expanses of exposed skin, at least in Sirius's case, and attracted by the freedom in his laughter and the beauty in his careless manner. Remus could definitely appreciate it.

"I am very serious, Rem. We are going to have an excellent time and I'll get you crazy-drunk. Aren't you excited?"

Remus, oblivious to the stares of the people around him rolled his eyes. "Oh yes. Can't wait. Ugh, I hate getting drunk. You always do something stupid like talk about odd things or fall over a hundred times. And James ends up dancing on tables or some such. I don't see the excitement."

Sirius pouted, turning full-on puppy eyes on him.

"Augh don't do that! Why do you always get your way you crazy...dog?"

Sirius grinned and linked arms with him, pulling the reluctant boy into a randomly selected club. The sound blasted Remus's sensitive ears as soon as the doors swung open and he winced. Sirius dragged him over to the bar, flashing identical fake IDs at the bartender who nodded at them and handed over two beers.

Remus sipped at his slightly distastefully and glanced around. He blinked. And blinked again. After a few more blinks he realized what was wrong. There were mostly men in the club.

"Um Sirius...why are there mostly guys here?"

"Say whuh?" Sirius was already on his third beer and slightly muddled with it.

Remus heaved a sigh and took another sip of the beer. "You aren't drunk already are you?"

"Who, me? I'm insulted. I can hold more liquor than that, thank you!" He stood slowly. "I'll be right back."

Remus grabbed his arm, looking around nervously. "Where are you going? You absolutely cannot leave me here alone! Sirius!"

The black-haired boy grinned. "Just the bathroom you edgit. I'll be right back! Just try not to...find someone else while I'm gone, eh?"

Remus rolled his eyes but let go. Sirius disappeared into the crowd and the werewolf was left alone. He turned around to face the bar and tapped his fingers against the bottle, waiting for Sirius to come back. He had gotten slightly more accustomed to the blaring sound around him and was able to think at least semi-clearly.

Suddenly, a hand slid from his shoulder to the small of his back and someone slipped into the seat beside him.

"Hey there, handsome." An American voice whispered in his ear.

Remus jumped and pulled away. "I-I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong person."

The man glanced him over and smiled slowly. "No...I don't think so." And he leaned forward slightly, grabbing Remus's hair and pulling their mouths together. Remus fought him, but the man's slenderness belied unnatural strength that even the werewolf couldn't fight. The strange man shoved his tongue down Remus's throat as he struggled ineffectually, making 'mph' noises.

Just as suddenly as this whole disgusting incident had begun, it was over. The man was lifted off of Remus, who was now pressed against the bar, and thrown bodily across the room. Sirius stood there, fists clenched and breathing heavily, obviously furious.

Remus decided to diffuse the situation. "My hero!" He clasped his hands and simpered.

Sirius snorted and managed a tight smile before seating himself heavily beside Remus with a muttered curse. "Maybe this was a mistake, Rem..."

But now Remus had decided to make it fun for Sirius so that he could forget about the event. So he shook his head. "No, it wasn't." he sat down again. "Have another beer and calm down. Nothing happened. We could even—" he grimaced, "go dance. If we must."

At this Sirius looked up, grinning. "You would dance? Just for me and my mood?"

Remus smiled and kissed Sirius's cheek. "Of course. I suppose. Ugh you really are going to make me dance, aren't you?"

"Of course." Sirius mimicked Remus's tone and stood, holding out his hand. "Come on, then."

The werewolf sighed and stood too, taking hold of Sirius's hand. "Let's get this over with then."

Sirius led them onto the packed dance floor. Somehow they managed to get just enough space to be able to breath without being able to keep more than a millimeter's distance between them. Not that either of them minded, really. It was just the principle of the thing.

For a while, Remus simply stood there, unsure of what to do. Unlike Sirius and James, he hated to dance and was abysmal at it. The people around him gyrated like he supposed he was supposed to. Somehow, he just couldn't do it. For a while, Sirius seemed oblivious, dancing and attracting admiring glances from all sides. Remus sighed; there was just no going anywhere with the boy without attracting attention constantly.

All of a sudden, Sirius grabbed Remus's hands and twirled him around in a wide circle before they were pushed together by the crowds. They moved awkwardly against each other until there was more space and gradually the music slowed down.

In the quiet between changing songs, Sirius muttered, "I swear, I have _got_ to get you drunk or something." The next song came on; a slow one. "Oh good. This is easier, okay?"

Remus sighed and nodded. With a smile, Sirius pulled him closer by his right wrist, placing the hand on his shoulder. With a very expressive roll of his eyes, Remus stepped closer, wrapping both arms around Sirius. His head fit comfortably against the crook of Sirius's neck and the music faded from hearing as the scent that was so unalterably _Sirius_ filled Remus's nostrils. Two sets of eyes flickered shut and two sets of hips moved in unison to music that was too loud but too quiet all at once, and too fast and too slow and soon enough the song ended and an even faster one came on, breaking the spell the first had woven. For a second, neither moved, and then Remus stepped away. Around them, other couples were separating. A mosh pit was starting at the center of the dance floor, although it wasn't a sort of running-into-each-other sort of pit but more like a running-into-each-other-and-attaching sort of pit. Remus averted his eyes and Sirius laughed, grabbed him by the elbow, and dragged him back to the bar, at a different spot.

"This time I'm not leaving you to get attacked by wild poufs, okay?"

Remus snorted. "I was not attacked nor were they wild. Although the rest is true; you _did_ leave me." He fixed the other boy with a mock glare and Sirius pretended to quail.

"I promise never to leave you again. Ever. In fact, I think I might even have to follow you into the shower...oh darn." Remus threw his hands up and Sirius sniggered. "Oh come on. Tell me you're upset about that, truly." An artful puppy eyes and Remus sighed.

"Oh alright. But what am I to tell my mum? 'He followed me home, can I keep him?'"

"Well...yes."

"I'm sure she'll buy that one." Then Remus abruptly changed topics. "Well, we've danced. We got hit on. We had a drink. Is there anything left to do or can we go?"

"One more thing."

"And what is that?"

"Getting you drunk, of course!" And Sirius refused to listen to any arguments to the contrary, ordering two drinks and threatening to pour Remus's down his throat if he didn't drink it himself and stop acting like a big baby. Remus eventually acceded after Sirius held him by his hair and had the drink in one hand, ready to be dumped down the werewolf's throat. He sipped it bitterly, throwing in comments about how Sirius was a dangerous criminal and probably raped little boys in his free time. Sirius didn't bother to reply; he just smiled.

After about ten or fifteen drinks, Remus began to feel woozy. Sirius was already roaring drunk and had joined a group of rather inappropriately clad—as in not at all—boys who were sitting on the bar and singing all the bawdy songs they knew. Remus was sitting a few feet away, head resting in one hand, watching them through half-lidded eyes. When the songs got to a particularly illegally explicit part, Sirius would always glance at Remus, wink, and then look away, darting glances over at him oh so subtly to see if he would blush. He always did.

At around three in the morning, Remus finally got Sirius to put his pants back on, get off the bar, take the money out of the various places it had been stuffed, and get out of the bar. They stood outside in the cold drizzle, watching their breath frost in the air as their heads slowly cleared of the drunken fuzz. Sirius stuck out his hand, thumb out, and was rewarded with about ten cars stopping to pick them up. He chose a car with a woman driving and climbed in the back seat with Remus, who was considerably less coherent. The driver glanced at them a few times through the rear-view mirror and finally stopped staring at Remus when the blond boy settled his head against Sirius's shoulder and fell asleep with the other boy's arm around his own shoulders.

She drove them to a spot near the border of Hogsmeade and they got out, thanking her, Sirius with relief and Remus rather blearily. The two boys stumbled up the path through the wizarding village and through Hogwarts grounds until they reached the castle. Sirius peeked inside the Entrance Hall, found no one waiting to give them five year's worth of detentions, and practically carried Remus inside, up the steps, and into their dormitory. James and the other boys were still sleeping soundly as the two boys fell into one bed and closed their eyes.

"I'm going to have the worst bloody headache _ever_ tomorrow." Remus yawned, rested his head against Sirius's chest, and fell asleep.

As for Sirius, he just barely managed to realize that Remus had just sworn for probably the first time since they'd met before he too fell asleep, an arm around Remus's waist.

_You are never living that down, Moony..._


End file.
